True but thats because hes a fetus.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
