we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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