Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
