who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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