I hate your face
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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