i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
