i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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