two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
