She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
