I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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