Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
