Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
