I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
