PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
