I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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