Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
