The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
