In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
