so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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