Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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