Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
