All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just cut my nipple shaving
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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