Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
