I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
