Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
