I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
