Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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