Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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