I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
MIDGETS
????
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
