Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
