She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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