I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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