I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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