I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
