wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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