He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
