im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
