Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
