i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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