i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
