Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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