ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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