I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
