i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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