hotel room ftw
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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