If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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