Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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