Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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