Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
