I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
